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        <title>Drunkencat.com</title>
        <description></description>
        <link>http://www.drunkencat.com/</link>
        <lastBuildDate>Wed, 23 Jul 2008 18:06:30 +0100</lastBuildDate>
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        <item>
            <title>Ten again</title>
            <link>http://www.drunkencat.com/pictures/ten-again-21.html</link>
            <description><![CDATA[
			A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?"

She said, "I'd love to be ten again."

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a theme park. 

He put her on every ride in the park, the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. Everything there was, she had a go.

She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. 

Into McDonald's they went, where she was given a Double Big Mac with extra fries and a strawberry shake. 

Then off to a movie theater, more burgers, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"

One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually I meant dress size." 

			]]></description>
            <author>Relax.com</author>
        </item>
        <item>
            <title>Losin' It</title>
            <link>http://www.drunkencat.com/pictures/losin-it-20.html</link>
            <description><![CDATA[
			A guy and a girl are lying in a dorm room bed after having sex. The guy lies on his side of the bed and rests. The girl rolls to her side of the bed and says to herself, I finally did it! I'm no longer a virgin.

The guy overhears her talking to herself and asks, "Are you saying you lost your virginity to me?" 

"Well," the girl explains, "I always wanted to wait until I was with the man I love to lose my virginity." 

Astounded, the guy replies, "So you really love me?" 

"Oh God no!" the girl says, "I just got sick of waiting."

			]]></description>
            <author>Relax.com</author>
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        <item>
            <title>Looking for my girlfriend</title>
            <link>http://www.drunkencat.com/pictures/looking-for-my-girlfriend-19.html</link>
            <description><![CDATA[
			A man approaches a beautiful woman in a supermarket. 

"I've lost my girlfriend," he tells her.

"Can you stand here and talk to me for a few minutes?"


"Sure, but I don't understand how that would help," she replies. 

"Well, every time I talk to a woman with breasts like yours, my girlfriend appears out of nowhere." 

			]]></description>
            <author>Relax.com</author>
        </item>
        <item>
            <title>Coming home drunk</title>
            <link>http://www.drunkencat.com/pictures/coming-home-drunk-18.html</link>
            <description><![CDATA[
			A man comes home from a night of drinking. 

As he falls through the doorway, his wife snaps at him, "What's the big idea coming home half drunk?" 

The man replies, "I'm sorry honey. I ran out of money." 

			]]></description>
            <author>Relax.com</author>
        </item>
        <item>
            <title>Please wake up</title>
            <link>http://www.drunkencat.com/pictures/please-wake-up-17.html</link>
            <description><![CDATA[
			Once a couple had one of their usual quarrels as a consequence of which all conversation between them stopped. 

Unfortunately the husband was to attend his office very early the next morning. So he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me up tomorrow morning," and kept it beside his wife's pillow.

His wife read it and went to sleep.

He woke up very late the next morning and got very angry. He looked ferociously at his wife, but she calmly pointed towards his pillow. Under his pillow he found a piece of paper. On it was written, "Please wake up, it is 6 o'clock now."

			]]></description>
            <author>Relax.com</author>
        </item>
        <item>
            <title>Discusting</title>
            <link>http://www.drunkencat.com/pictures/discusting-16.html</link>
            <description><![CDATA[
			A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"

So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"

Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."

			]]></description>
            <author>Relax.com</author>
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        <item>
            <title>Hold My Breast</title>
            <link>http://www.drunkencat.com/pictures/hold-my-breast-14.html</link>
            <description><![CDATA[
			This girl is feeling a bit down in the dumps and decides to treat herself to a meal at the Ritz. She manages to get a table that very night and enjoys a delicious meal on her own, nothing too extravagant but nice all the same. The head waiter brings the bill and she's horrified to see the total: 150 bucks! She didn't expect this at all and asks the waiter "Would you mind holding my breasts while I write the check please?"

The head waiter is taken aback. In all his years in the job he's never been asked that before, but always eager to please the customer, he obliges. She gets up to leave and the waiter is still perplexed.

His curiosity gets the better of him and he catches up with her at the door, "I'm sorry to bother you Miss but I'd like to know why you asked me to do that just now." 

"Oh it's quite simple really" she replies "I love to have my breasts held when I'm being screwed!!!"

			]]></description>
            <author>Relax.com</author>
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        <item>
            <title>Twenty Reasons Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex</title>
            <link>http://www.drunkencat.com/pictures/twenty-reasons-why-chocolate-is-better-than-sex-13.html</link>
            <description><![CDATA[
			1) You can GET chocolate.

2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate. 

3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft. 

4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.

5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to. 

6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother. 

7) If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind. 

8) Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.

9) The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate. 

10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.

11) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped. 

12) You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.

13) With chocolate there's no need to fake it. 

14) Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant. 

15) You can have chocolate at anytime of the month.

16) Good chocolate is easy to find. 

17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle. 

18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate. 

19) When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.

20) With chocolate size doesn't matter.

			]]></description>
            <author>Relax.com</author>
        </item>
        <item>
            <title>Sandwich Making</title>
            <link>http://www.drunkencat.com/pictures/sandwich-making-12.html</link>
            <description><![CDATA[
			A guy and a girl want to have sex. So they go to the girl's house and before entering her room, the girl stops and says, "My little sister sleeps on the bottom bunk of our bed and I do not want her to know what we are doing. So when I say, 'Baloney,' it means push harder, and when I say, 'Pastrami,' it means push softer." 

With this, the two get onto the top bunk and start having sex. First the girl moans, "Baloney! Baloney! Baloney!" 

Then she shouts, "Pastrami! Pastrami! Pastrami!" Then she switches back to, "Baloney! Baloney! Baloney!" 

Finally, the girl's sister yells, "Will you guys quit making sandwiches up there? You're getting mayonnaise all over me!" 

			]]></description>
            <author>Relax.com</author>
        </item>
        <item>
            <title>Taste It</title>
            <link>http://www.drunkencat.com/pictures/taste-it-11.html</link>
            <description><![CDATA[
			A customer in a restaurant orders a bowl of soup. However, the customer notices that something is wrong, so he calls the waiter over. 

"Can you please taste the soup?" 

"What's wrong with the soup?" 

"Just taste it." 

"Why?" 

"Just taste it." 

"Sir, I..." 

"Just taste it." 

"Fine, I'll taste the soup. Where's the spoon?" 

			]]></description>
            <author>Relax.com</author>
        </item>
        <item>
            <title>Viagra Coffee</title>
            <link>http://www.drunkencat.com/pictures/viagra-coffee-4.html</link>
            <description><![CDATA[
			This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. Everything checked out fine.

The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, "Doctor, I haven't had sex for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband's sex drive."

The doctor smiled and said, "Have you tried to give him Viagra?"

The lady frowned. "Doctor, I can't even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache," she claimed.

"Well," the doctor continued, "Let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won't notice a thing."

The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor's office quickly.

Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head.

"How did it go?" the doctor asked.

"Terrible, doctor, terrible."

"Did it not work?"

"Yes," the old lady said, "It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I'd had in 25 years."

"Then what is the problem, ma'am?"

"Well," she said. "I can't ever show my face in McDonald's again." 
			]]></description>
            <author>Relax.com</author>
        </item>
        <item>
            <title>Computer Diagnosis</title>
            <link>http://www.drunkencat.com/pictures/computer-diagnosis-2.html</link>
            <description><![CDATA[
			One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.

''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better." 
			]]></description>
            <author>Relax.com</author>
        </item>
        <item>
            <title>Bad Drivers</title>
            <link>http://www.drunkencat.com/pictures/bad-drivers-1.html</link>
            <description><![CDATA[
			There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, ''Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!''

Herman says, ''I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!'' 
			]]></description>
            <author>Relax.com</author>
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